note-to-self

Bismillah

" Kenapalah dengan anak ko ni? Tak tentu pasal dibuatnya. Apasal dipukul anak aku sampai macam ni sekali hah? Cuba ko tengok muka anak aku ni. Lebam sini, sini, sini. Mata pun tak boleh bukak. Aku taula ko susah sume, tapi jagala sikit anak ko tu. Sekarang siapa nak bertanggungjawab hah? Cuba ko jawab sikit! "

berkata Cik X sambil menunjuk bahagian-bahagian muka anaknya dalam nada kemarahan.

" Ye ye, maafla X. Aku tau anak aku wat silap, kesian anak ko. Tak pasal-pasal mukanya. Nanti saya ajar dia sikit. Maafla ye X, saya janji takkan ulang lagi. " 

Cik YZ berkata, tersipu-sipu malu dengan anaknya.

Diam. Tegang.

"Adik tak wat salah pun!" Y bersuara, memberontak.

Tegang , kian bertambah.

" Eh, menjawab pulak dia. YZ! Ajar sikit anak ko tu! Biadab betul. Huh! " berpaling muka, masam mencuka.

" Maaf X. Maaf "

Adik berpaling ke arah maknya. Bergenang. Masih tersenyum.

Berselindung

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Darah tersembur. Terpercik. Berselerak.

" Kalo ko berani cakap buruk lagi pasal mak aku, siap ngko! "

Terbatuk kecil.

"Memang padan dengan muka ko. Dahla mak miskin, ayah mati, ko pulak berpenyakit. Tengokla xde orang pun nak kawan dengan ko. Memang padan muka sangat."

Angin menderu.

Terdengar bunyi meraung kesakitan.

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Manusia tak minta dipernasibkan sedemikian. Tak ada yang mintak dilahirkan miskin. Tak ada yang minta dilahirkan berpenyakit. Tak ada yang minta dilahirkan tanpa ibu, tanpa bapa. Tak ada yang minta dilahirkan hidup susah.

Heck, tak ada orang minta untuk dilahirkan if you think about it.

But things are the way they are, no escaping from that.

And people often judge you for that, not for who you are.

And even though you are affected by it, those around you are also affected, sometimes even more severely than you yourself.

People, that includes everyone, so badly wants to look good in the society's eyes so that they'll be judged fairly (read: good). To be accepted, and better, to be liked by all if possible. No matter what the circumstances might be. No matter what it takes, as long as they look good in front of others.

Even though it means sacrificing their own happiness, their loved ones happiness, their own self-satisfaction, just for what other peoples think. They stop listening to what actually matters, to their inner voice, conscience, and their loved ones' opinions. They stop considering of what's right or wrong, and just think of getting it, by hook or by crook. 

But even the society changes. One moment, they like you this way. Then the other, they like you just like you were before. And because you weren't following your heart, your restlessness increases, little by little, day by day that eventually, it wears you off. big time.

In the end, the important thing is to make our OWN selves happy for who we are. Contempt . 

We should give ourselves a better break.

But all in all, the MOST important is to make ourselves look good in HIS eyes. The Almighty.

And be thankful that we have this realization still in our hearts.

All praise to HIM.

*apologies for the ntahpape-ness

May peace be upon you.