8/26/09

Dedicated to all mothers..
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I WAS listening to a friend complaining about her mother the other day.

“As much as I love her, my mother drives me nuts if she comes to stay with me for longer than a week,” she said.

“She’s a control freak,” said her husband.

“Yes,” she agreed. “She reorganised my kitchen the last time she visited. One day, I came home from work and it was as if I were in my mother’s kitchen. She obviously wasn’t impressed by the way I’d arranged everything.”

“She even moved my beer glasses,” said her husband. “Can you imagine that? I mean to say, no one should mess with a man’s beer glasses.”

“Didn’t you tell her that she shouldn’t do things like that?” I asked.

“No, I thought it might be better coming from her daughter her instead.”

“And how did she take that?”

“Well, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her,” said my friend. “So I rearranged the kitchen back to the way I’d had it before she arrived, and let that do the talking instead.”

“And how did that work out?” I asked, picturing her mother’s reaction as she reached for a coffee mug only to be confronted with a beer glass.

“She sulked for the remainder of her stay with us.”

“Such passive-aggressive behaviour would drive me crazy. It must have been difficult coming home to that everyday,” I said.

“I just didn’t go home until I was sure she would be in bed,” said my friend’s husband. “Sulking was just another attempt by her to have things her way.”

“Like many mothers, she doesn’t know when to stop being a mother,” said my friend.

I nodded my head in agreement.

Later that day, after I’d said goodbye to my friend and her husband, I thought about my own mother. Truth be known, I can only stay with her for about five days before dormant thoughts of matricide begin to surface. Although she doesn’t sulk and wouldn’t dream of reorganising anything in my house, she can often rub me up the wrong way with certain statements that give me the impression that she still sees me as the teenager I was when I left home more than 30 years ago.

For example, when my children were babies, she would sometimes say, “Do you think that’s the best way for a baby to sleep?” just as I’d gotten them to sleep.

“No, I think it’s the fastest way to induce suffocation,” I’d always wanted to say, but never did.

It’s not just my skills as a parent that come under scrutiny. My driving skills are questioned every time I go back to visit my mother in my native Scotland.

“Is that how people drive in Malaysia?” she will say whenever I attempt a 10-point turn.

“There’s a zebra crossing ahead. You have to stop if someone is crossing,” she once said, as I approached a familiar landmark in my hometown town.

“Really? You mean to say I can’t just plough into someone?” I’d wanted to say, but didn’t.

“Don’t you know how to use a clutch?”

“I drive an automatic car in Malaysia.”

“Didn’t you know that’s it’s illegal to reverse out of a side road into a street?”

“Obviously not.”

“You must indicate before turning.”

There’s only so much backseat driving a person can take before their head explodes, causing blood and gory bits to splatter all over the offending mother’s floral print frock and pearl necklace.

Then there are the endless comments about my singledom.

“Why don’t you find yourself a nice man and settle down,” she will often say.

“I feel perfectly settled as I am,” I will usually respond.

“But it’s not normal.”

“It is to me.”

And it’s not just me who is subjected to the Spanish Inquisition whenever I visit my mother. My siblings are also subjected to endless comments about their lifestyle choices and personality quirks.

All this talk about mothering skills makes me wonder how I’m perceived by my own children, who both happen to be home from college for a few weeks.

I think it’s perfectly fine for me to expect them to keep my house in order and to let me know if they’ll be around for dinner. It’s also reasonable for me to ask them when they expect to return home when they go out for the evening.

But I don’t think I have the right to make comments about their clothes, or the length and colour of their hair, or the time they go to sleep, or the statements they make with their T-shirts, or their eating habits, no matter how tempting.

It’s tough being a mother, but it’s often tougher trying not to be a mother.

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Compare that story with this story..
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I WAS finishing my tarawih's. There was one woman there who brought her little child with her, about 2-3 years old. Usually kids will make a lot of noise playing with other kids, until the imaam has to advise them to lower their voice. However, this boy just stayed with his mother. He didn't yell, nothing. But when his mother was praying tarawih, he played with his mother's telekung, many, many, many times. Whenever we finished one prayer, the mother just smiled at her son, never showing any sadness or angriness at her son. But her eyes looked sad. I guess she just didn't want to make her son sad.Afterall, children are supposed to run free, it was said it could increase their creativity...


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Aren't these two stories kind of the same? I mean, read it carefully and you'll see. The conditions are the same, just the roles are reversed. The first story, we have to put up with our mother. The second? The mother have to put up with her son.



See?? Isn't life is like a wheel, they say?? What goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down. (J.T. ^^)
During we were young, our mothers had to put up with all our mischievous acts,
yet they never complained a bit, being a mother.
Then we get older, we have to put up with our mother being a mother.
Can't we just bear with it for a little, considering she put up with us all these years and all the things she did for us??
I just hope I'm going to be a good, no, an excellent mother(hopefully) no matter when my child's young or old.. ^_^

8/24/09

Are Undergraduates Ready for the Real World??

~~Really good article. ENJOY! N hope some benefit from it..~~

This article was written by Kwan Will Sen, a third-year Law student at University of Malaya.


“You take the blue pill -- the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill -- you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes." – Morpheus


Although fictional, the Matrix world as in the blockbuster movie ‘The Matrix’ by the Wachowski Brothers is very relevant in the context of our society today. Undergraduates, especially the ones from local universities are akin to those stuck in the Matrix. Fed with the belief that they will make it in life, armed only with a scroll, they succumb to complacency. Their minds start to rot, intellectual growth is suppressed, and the end result; they hit rock bottom in the ‘real’ world. Groping in the dark, they try to find a way out, but to no avail. Thereafter, enlightenment ensues, a harsh realization, that the scroll in their hands is merely that, a scroll.

Since pre-school, our parents and teachers have constantly imparted upon us, that success in life can only be achieved through education. This is true to a certain extent, but apparently, as we grew older, something got lost in translation along the way. Education is no longer interpreted in the normal sense of the word, but solely equated with academic achievement. Our undergraduates are products of a system that hails the number of As and a CGPA of 4.0 as the only testament of success, indicating a bright future ahead. Rote learning seems to be the order of the day, while the holistic approach is now almost obsolete.

Such ‘values’ to life in university defeats the whole purpose of a tertiary education. Undergraduates strive to get CGPAs of 4.0, and are further exhorted to do so, especially when an ex-Minister proclaimed that it is their duty to get 4.0 in university. As preposterous as this may sound, it is very real. A right-minded person would shun such statements, but for some, it’s almost like a matter of filial piety. Time spent mugging and memorizing might get you good results, but it does not prepare you for the ‘real’ world, where problem solving skills and the ability to think outside the box is valued instead of the text book stuff.

Students spend so much time studying, they forget about everything else, except where to find that particular book in the library. Ask them if they know anything at all on current issues, and they respond with a blank look, expecting you to fill them in. The other problem with our undergraduates is that, they seem to idolize pop culture a tad too much. Try organizing a public lecture by Warren Buffet and a concert by some Akademi Fantasia singers on the same day. It is not that hard to predict which event will have a bigger crowd, unfortunately.

Then, there is the other group of students, i.e. those who believe that life in university is a bed of roses. There is, of course, nothing wrong with that. Problem is, some tend to stretch it a little too much, so much so that they don’t even know what they are doing. They believe that just as in the university, everything will be taken care of when they are out there in the ‘real’ world, i.e. that their precious scrolls will take them places. No effort whatsoever is made to improve themselves and participating in ridiculous activities is deemed to be the ultimate indicator of what is to expect in the ‘real’ world. For instance, a senior while ordering around a junior to do this or that project will justify it by saying “This is to prepare you for working life, especially when facing employers”. And the poor subordinate believing it, bids the senior’s wishes. We should never send across such wrong messages. Kow tow is not fun, and will never be. Period. Furthermore, why should we continue the negative and perpetuate such myth? Whatever happened to entrepreneurship?

Another issue which bugs a portion of undergraduates today is the inability to converse and write in English. Needless to say, in the era of globalization, the importance of English cannot be over emphasized. One might have plenty of mind boggling ideas, but without the ability to articulate them, such ideas cannot be conveyed to others. While such facts are known to every student, they prefer to converse in their mother tongues. Getting out of the comfort zone is often the toughest nut to crack.

On the other hand, the introduction of a compulsory soft skills course serves only to magnify the deficiencies of our education system. Students have forgotten how to interact, how to communicate, and how to ace that interview, to the extent that such drastic measure has to be taken. While this solves the problem on the surface, it effectively sweeps the bigger chunk of it under the carpet. Undergraduates cannot be expected to learn the art of eloquence and to gain self confidence overnight. It takes more than a course to create the wholesome undergraduate.

More importantly, undergraduates must be provided with room and space for holistic growth. Intellectual discussions, debates and forums on any topic at all should be encouraged and the underlying fear that students will rebel, retaliate or even form extremist groups, I would like to state, is unfounded. As adults, they should be respected as such, which means also to be given inter alia, the right to freedom of expression. What is right or wrong is not the point. The focal point is, undergraduates must be allowed to think, to express themselves, and to dissent if they want to. Keep pushing them around, and what do you get? A bunch of pushovers in society.

The bottom line is this. Whether or not an undergraduate will ever be ready to face the ‘real’ world is essentially a matter of choice. Choose to maintain your status quo, you continue in your temporary bubble in Neverland, waiting for the ‘real’ world to come crashing through. Choose to free your mind from the fetters of tradition for tradition’s sake, and to move out of your comfort zone, you embark on a journey with nothing guaranteed, except unfamiliarity. The latter sounds like a better deal, at least to me.

Be like Neo. Choose the red pill.

8/21/09

Post Mortem

SO SAD...
my trials just finished.. it was OK.. Alhamdulillah dapat jwb..
THINGS TO UPGRADE??
  • History (more reading n exercise)
  • Malay (totally more exercise n thinking skills)
  • English (literature part)
  • Islamic Studies (totally more reading)
  • Science (exercise)
  • Geography, Living Skills, Arabic, Maths (don't abaikan)
  • NO MORE SCREW UPS & CARELESS MISTAKES
~Where there's a WILL, There's a WAY~

someone once told me.. do you know if you practice solat istikharah,
insyaAllah you will make decisions that will benefit you.. cool right?? Subhanallah...
tonight is officially the 1st of Ramadhan..
Me?? still can't believe how time flies by so quickly..
less than a month or about a month I have to sit for my exam..

"Ya Allah, tlglah hamba2mu ini, kuatkanlah semangat n azam kami utk usaha sungguh2.."
AMIN..

Berjuang.. tetapi TIDAK IKHLAS??

Ramai orang yang berjuang. Tapi tidak seramai itu pula yang berjuang dengan ikhlas. Melalui interaksi dengan Kitabullah dan Nabi Muhammad saw., para sahabat amat memahami bahawa memurnikan (mengikhlaskan) orientasi dan amal hanya untuk Allah adalah suatu keniscayaan yang tidak dapat ditawar-tawar lagi.

Mereka meyakini sepenuhnya bahawa hal itu merupakan kunci untuk memperoleh pertolongan dan dukungan Allah dalam setiap pertempuran yang mereka terjuni, menghadapi musuh-musuh mereka, baik musuh dari dalam diri mahupun dari luar diri mereka.

Mereka menghayati firman Allah swt.:
“Tidaklah sepatutnya bagi penduduk Madinah dan orang-orang Badwi yang berdiam di sekitar mereka, tidak turut menyertai Rasulullah (pergi berperang) dan tidak patut (pula) bagi mereka lebih mencintai diri mereka daripada mencintai diri Rasul. Yang demikian itu ialah kerana mereka tidak ditimpa kehausan, kepayahan, dan kelaparan pada jalan Allah. Dan tidak (pula) menginjak suatu tempat yang membangkitkan amarah orang-orang kafir, dan tidak menimpakan suatu bencana kepada musuh, melainkan dituliskanlah bagi mereka dengan yang demikian itu suatu amal soleh. Sesungguhnya Allah tidak menyia-nyiakan pahala orang-orang yang berbuat baik.” [At-Taubah (9):120]

Para sahabat memahami hal itu dan mengaplikasikannya dalam diri mereka. Maka terlihat dalam perilaku mereka. Syadad bin Al-Hadi mengatakan, seorang Arab gunung datang kepada Rasulullah saw. lalu beriman dan mengikutinya. Orang itu mengatakan, “Aku akan berhijrah bersamamu.” Maka Rasulullah saw. menitipkan orang itu kepada para sahabatnya.

Saat terjadi
Perang Khaibar, Rasulullah saw. memperoleh ghanimah (rampasan perang). Lalu beliau membahagi-bahagikannya dan menyisihkan bahagian untuk orang itu seraya menyerahkannya kepada para sahabat. Orang itu biasa menggembalakan binatang ternak mereka.

Ketika ia datang, para sahabat menyerahkan bahagiannya itu. Orang itu mengatakan, “Apa ini?” Mereka menjawab, “Ini adalah bahagianmu yang dibahagikan oleh Rasulullah saw.” Orang itu mengatakan lagi, “Aku mengikutimu bukan kerana ingin mendapatkan bahagian seperti ini. Aku mengikutimu semata-mata kerana aku ingin tertusuk dengan anak panah di sini (sambil menunjuk tenggorokannya), lalu aku mati lalu masuk syurga.”

Rasulullah saw. mengatakan,
“Jika kamu jujur kepada Allah, maka Dia akan mengizinkan keinginanmu.” Lalu mereka berangkat untuk memerangi musuh. Para sahabat datang dengan memapah orang itu dalam keadaan tertusuk panah di bahagian tubuh yang ditunjuknya. Rasulullah saw. mengatakan, “Inikah orang itu?” Mereka menjawab, “Ya.” Rasulullah saw. berkata, “Ia telah jujur kepada Allah, maka Allah memakbulkan keinginannya.”

Lalu Rasulullah saw. mengkafaninya dengan jubah beliau kemudian mensolatinya. Dan di antara doa yang terdengar dalam solatnya itu adalah: “Allaahumma haadza ‘abduka kharaja muhaajiran fii sabiilika faqutila syahiidan wa ana syahidun ‘alaihi”
(Ya Allah, ini adalah hamba-Mu. Dia keluar dalam rangka berhijrah di jalan-Mu, lalu ia terbunuh sebagai syahid dan aku menjadi saksi atasnya).” (Diriwayatkan oleh An-Nasai)


Anas Bin Malik ra. menceritakan bahawa seorang laki-laki datang kepada Rasulullah saw. seraya mengatakan, “Ya Rasulullah, sesungguhnya aku orang hitam, buruk rupa, dan tidak punya harta. Jika aku memerangi mereka (orang-orang kafir) hingga terbunuh, apakah aku masuk syurga?” Rasulullah saw. menjawab, “Ya.” Lalu ia maju dan bertempur hingga terbunuh.

Ia lalu dibawa kepada Rasulullah saw. dalam keadaan sudah meninggal. Rasulullah saw. mengatakan, “Sungguh Allah telah membuat indah wajahmu, membuat harum baumu, dan membuat banyak hartamu.” Beliau kemudian melanjutkan, “Aku telah melihat kedua isterinya dari kalangan bidadari mereka berebut jubah yang dikenakannya. Mereka masuk antara kulit dan jubahnya.” (Diriwayatkan oleh Al-Hakim)

Begitulah para sahabat mempraktikkan ikhlas dalam perjuangan. Dan begitu pulalah seharusnya kita mempraktikkannya. Dan jika ada niat yang tidak jelas dalam jiwa selain keikhlasan, maka hendaknya kita ingat hal-hal berikut ini:

Pertama, bahawa Allah mengawasi, mengetahui, mendengar, melihat kita. Firman-Nya:
“Dan Dialah Allah (Yang Disembah), baik di langit mahupun di bumi; Dia mengetahui apa yang kamu rahasiakan dan apa yang kamu lahirkan; dan mengetahui (pula) apa yang kamu usahakan.” [Al-An'am (6): 3]

Katakanlah: “Jika kamu menyembunyikan apa yang ada dalam hatimu atau kamu melahirkannya, pasti Allah mengetahui.”

Allah mengetahui apa-apa yang ada di langit dan apa-apa yang ada di bumi. Dan Allah Maha Kuasa atas segala sesuatu. [Ali Imran (3): 29]

Kedua
, bahawa orang yang riya (ingin dilihat orang) atau sum’ah (ingin didengar orang) dalam beramal akan dibongkar oleh Allah semenjak di dunia sebelum di akhirat. Dan mereka tidak mendapatkan bahagian dari amal mereka selain dari apa yang dinginkannya.

Rasulullah saw. bersabda,
“Siapa yang ingin (amalnya) didengar orang, maka Allah akan membuatnya di dengar; dan siapa yang ingin (amalnya) dilihat orang, maka Allah akan membuatnya dilihat orang.” (Diriwayatkan oleh Al-Bukhari dan Muslim)

Ketiga, bahawa kekalahan yang diderita kaum Muslimin dewasa ini adalah akibat kezaliman kita sendiri. Firman-Nya:
“Sesungguhnya Allah tidak berbuat zalim kepada manusia sedikitpun, akan tetapi manusia itulah yang berbuat zalim kepada diri mereka sendiri.” [Yunus (10): 44]

Keempat
, bahawasanya ketidakikhlasan menghancurkan amal, besar mahupun kecil. Dan dengan demikian bererti kita telah membuat perjuangan kita bertahun-tahun sia-sia belaka. Allah swt. berfirman:
“Dan sesungguhnya telah merugilah orang yang telah melakukan kezaliman.” [Thaha (20): 111].

“Dan Kami hadapi segala amal yang mereka kerjakan, lalu Kami jadikan amal itu (bagaikan) debu yang berterbangan.” [Al-Furqan (25): 23]

Dan Rasulullah saw. bersabda, “Aku benar-benar mengetahui orang-orang dari umatku yang datang pada hari kiamat dengan membawa kebaikan-kebaikan seperti gunung Tihamah. Lalu Allah menjadikannya bagaikan debu yang tertiup angin.”

Tsauban berkata, “Wahai Rasulullah, terangkanlah sifat mereka kepada kami agar kami tidak seperti mereka, kerana kami tidak mengetahui mereka.” Rasulullah saw. menjelaskan, “Mereka adalah termasuk saudara-saudara kamu dan seperti kulitmu. Mereka menggunakan waktu malam seperti yang kamu lakukan, akan tetapi mereka adalah orang-orang yang jika berhadapan dengan larangan-larangan Allah mereka melanggarnya.” (Riwayat Ibnu Majah)

Kelima, orang-orang yang beramal bukan kerana Allah adalah orang yang pertama dibakar untuk menyalakan neraka. Dalam hadits panjangnya, Rasulullah saw. menjelaskan nasib tiga kelompok manusia yang celaka di hari akhirat kerana beramal dengan riya.

Keenam, orang-orang yang riya’ akan menjadi teman syaitan pada hari kiamat di dalam neraka jahanam. Mereka kekal di dalamnya. Cukuplah bagi kita
kisah Quzman, seperti yang diterangkan oleh Qatadah –semoga Allah meredhainya.

Beliau menjelaskan, “Di antara kami ada orang asing dan diketahui siapa dia. Ia dipanggil Quzman. Adalah Rasulullah saw. setiap disebut namanya selalu mengatakan bahawa dia termasuk penghuni neraka. Saat terjadi Perang Uhud, Quzman terlibat dalam pertempuran sengit sampai berhasil membunuh lapan atau tujuh orang musyrik. Memang dia orang kuat.

Lalu ia terluka lalu dipapah ke rumah Bani Zhufr. Beberapa lelaki dari kaum Muslimin mengatakan kepadanya, ‘Demi Allah, engkau telah diuji hari ini, hai Quzman, maka berbahagialah.’ Quzman menjawab, ‘Dengan apa aku bergembira. Demi Allah sesungguhnya aku berperang tidak lain kerana membela nama kaumku. Jika bukan kerana hal itu aku tidak akan turut berperang. Ketika merasakan lukanya semakin parah, ia mencabut panah dari tempatnya lalu bunuh diri.” (Al-Bidayah Wan-Nihayah, Ibnu Katsir)

Marilah kita bersama ingatkan jiwa kita dengan peringatan-peringatan tersebut agar dalam bergerak, berjuang, dan berkorban (tadhhiyah) senantiasa ikhlas kerana Allah.


sumber : iluvislam.com