if He wills.

....... ntah.

rasa cam, semua orang dah besar, dah ready nak face dunia luar. dah dewasa, dah tak sabar semua. amek lesen, kerja lagi tu.. dlm office plak tu, ada yg jd cikgu.... ada yg nak sambung blaja dah! ready to face the world heads up... *eventhough the dramas are still a must :D*
dah matang.

indeed, they are.

I'm Proud.
i can't say i'm not. seeing them all so eagered, to move on, to grow up, certain with their futures, with what they want to be, of who they want to become. who can't say they're not proud? but then again,
one can't help to feel..

scared.

why does it feels like i'm getting left behind?
are they're moving with full speed, or am i the one who's slowing down?

......

vague
   the future, i see.
overwhelmed
   i feel

everyday, the same old routine. wake up, breakfast, tv, sleep, computer, tv, sleep, eat.
what's else is new? it feels like dah khatam tv tu.. cerita sama je berulang-ulang.....
here i am, a high school grad. in front of the tv, just,
   watching tv. doing nothing else.
eventhough i should be enjoying the world now, i can't. i'm not. why is that?

i do get distracted easily, especially when there's no goal to achieve.......
and i loathe it.
   but i can't help it.

or can i?

it is not in the stars that hold our destiny, but in ourselves.

there're many things you can do. just like them. just pick one, and just. do.
as nike once said, just do it.
...

I just saw The King's Speech . twas a great movie, indeed.
there was a part when lionel, the speech therapist and the king was taking a walk in the park. and they started talking about king matters, or lionel started it along the way. and the king, he was actually the second son and took the throne from his elder brother since the elder one wanted to live with ''the woman he loved",  a divorced American woman, and it can't be accepted for a king to be acting in that way.
so the second one became king, and was bethroned.

yet, he feel he doesn't deserves to be one. he's not one. he can't speak like one. he can't be what he ought to be. he should be the voice for the people, yet he stammers everytime he speaks. how can people gain trust, and confidence in him?
so he feel he is not deserving to be king.
this was how the king felt.

this lionel, the speech therapist, wanted to help. he knew the king could be a great king. he can see it. he wanted to help the king. but then again, the king doesn't want any help. he see's no point in it. incurable. he feels.
it led me to wonder,

 why do people 'tolak' other people's help, when they know the ones who wanted to help, have the best intentions in hand...... ?
maybe, he feels undeserving
maybe, he feels... afraid

he knows, somewhere deep in him, he could be someone great. he even made a signal for help, if anyone cared, and when someone did replied. but then, fear, came rushing in.
he was afraid.
could he lived up to the expectations?
could he be what he should be? what he can become? what if things go wrong? will this be the one that can help me through this? could the future be what he hoped it would be?

fear, of the unknown.
Steve Job said,

"You have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something....because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads you off the well-worn path. And that will make all the difference."

and Anwar Hadi summed it up pretty well,

To me, he just said "believe in Qadha and Qadr", you know, the sixth pillar of Iman? That's why Islam is the only religion to turn to, because Islam encompasses everything. A Muslim should never feel despair, because we trust in Allah. We trust that things will work out for us in the end, that as long as we're holding on to the rope of Allah [3:103], we'll never lose. It also serves as a reminder to me that I should remain steadfast on the road that I believe that will bring the most benefit to the most people. I hope this feeling remains within myself, as well as in everyone out there.

insyaAllah.
i guess, in the end, it's all about, being true to your heart, and believing in Him.
insyaAllah.
everything's gonna be alright in the end.
insyaAllah.

 may Peace be upon you.




p/s:done while hearing to a heartbreaking song.