mungkin ; semua ini berlaku bersebab

now then
if that notion is wrong, or not accepted
would that then mean

that things happen, just because ?

and is that a good thing
or a bad thing

and so the boy wondered

was this how people carry on with their lives ?

satu fiksi

Pagi itu indah. Bangun dia dari kamar melihat sinar mentari sedang menerjah biliknya, cerah. 

Cerah. Terangkat bibirnya. 

'Today is going to be a good day, insyaAllah'

The weather's been nice lately, but somehow, she wasn't as cheer-y. Although she wondered why, the answer seem to never reach her. Maybe she was so slow she couldn't catch up with it. Or maybe it was playing hide-and-seek with her, seeing what she'll do to find it. Whether she wants it bad enough. Either way, she's still confused, and not seem to be getting any nearer.

Nonetheless, she continued on. Every single day. Some things happened, good, bad, normal. Life. She was there, in all these, experiencing day-to-day life. And she was happy. She was sad. She was focused. She sometimes lost track of stuff. And she get back up again. Living.

Yet somehow, there was , something. missing. and it comes by every now and then, forcing her to stop on her tracks. She tries to deal with it, the best way she knows how. And when another day goes by that it doesn't occupy her mind, she's thankful for it. 

But a bird took notice. She wasn't, fully there. Her mind was somewhere, even she don't know where. Just floating. Though the bird chirped and chirped, she took no notice, for it was only a bird. But the bird was determined to make her see. So the bird keep on coming by to her window, chirping to her every morning when she wakes up; when the sun streaks into her room, filling it with a soft glow.  

Days passed. and more days passed.

And one day, while the bird was chirping, there was a smile on the girl's face. Not a big one. Just enough of a hint that she was enjoying it. That she took notice. That she was there. 

That she was fully, there. 

renung saja tiada guna

Diambilnye gajet itu yang terbaring di depan mata

Belek. Belek.

Dan belek

Ligat ibu jari bergerak ke atas mengilap skrin gajet baru di-update itu

Kosong

Matanya,

Dan minda

Cukup kadar melihat, tanpa ada yang benar-benar masuk

Pelik

Makin mampu untuk berhubung kita dengan dunia luar sana

Makin kosong kita di dalamnya

Makin banyak dijamah

Makin tiada rasa yang disuapnya

Dia rindu bulan puasa baru ini.

Pelik kembali

Baru sebulan pemergian syawal

Dirasa jauh sekali ramadhan

Lagi jauh suasana yang begitu dirindunya

Di mana dia rasa dia dengan begitu saja pergi berborak bersama Dia

Mencari Dia

Kadang meluah saja

Kadang rasa banyak yang belum terbuat

Tapi masih bergerak

Masih

Tapi kini,

entah kenapa

entah apa beza dulu dan kinj

Rasa itu susah hadir

Atau cume dia?

Yang balik ke cara dulu, meski ada yang baru

Tapi

Itulah manusia kan

Merungut

Rungut, dan rungut

Tanpa bergerak 

Meski sikit

Hidupkah ? 

baking adventures

Here's what I've baked for this last summer.

and some more I was too lazy to take photos of (or too hungry ahaks)

But man do I need to brush up my photography skills 👊🏽 

And ma bake-zys of coursee

If He pleases

lukis di awan

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Just a 5-minutes break from my homework, and I felt like I needed to get this out, write it down, paint the sky!

So that I won't forget (hopefully).

So what doyawanna paint ?

> cakesss and bakessss

On social media there's like A TON of people baking, and man they are gooddd. Like it's so visually stunning, I can feel water welling up into my mouth, picture after picture after picture, and it's flooded I need to gulp down to prevent over flow mann, these cakes!

But enough of them! Why not make them ? You're pretty good at baking, you just need to start putting some real thought and energy and time into it, okay? 

Your bakes are da bomb, so GO BIG GURL!

> my deen

The meaning of the word itself is 'way of life', so could you know how to practice your deen without learning about it, understanding it, and actually spending time to increase your knowledge, understanding, and practicing it; your way of life. Your belief. Your faith.

So spend some time. Make it consistent and not a one time thing so that you'll grow, albeit bit by bit, but you keep on moving. Forward inshaAllah.

Make goals. Realistic ones. Let it be small, but consistent. Learn.

And don't forget about the manual too. It's QUINTESSENTIALY ESSENTIALL. Read it daily, and do your other goals.

> habits

They say it takes 30 days to develop a habit. 

So do it step by step. 

What do you want to develop ?

Physical - jog @ exercise daily

Spiritual - your manual, daily

Mental - read the news, a book, about your line

Emotional - take time, to spend some time with others, and appreciate

So do one by one, for 30 days. Make a schedule so that you'll stick to it. Then after a month, add another habit.

Bit by bit. Little by little.

100 percent concentrated power of will.

> hand skills

After some thought, this felt like something that needs to be learn as you grow. This skills not only help cut costs since you're doing it by yourself, but you can be as creative as your imagination run free. So let's !

Handy dandy: sew, finance, it

So far these feels like I need to learn them. But there's no rush! Live still, and continue looking forward. 

So plan how, and when you're going to learn this handy dandy skills, and execute! 

Execute improvise plan execute!

And insyaAllah to more things to be seen, and done

If He wills

<3

In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful 

Words are failing me.

Or,

to be more precise

I'm failing to find words

More

and

more

pusing dan termangu

A convincing, well-organized lie is SO much better than the truth.

Why is that ?

Whose fault is that ?

But then again,

why are we looking for faults, rather than solutions ?

Maybe it's more complicated than that.

Maybe I'm just too naive

Maybe this world is just too sad, and it's just the way it is.

Maybe I know absolutely NOTHING about anything

But still, why do we do this to to ourselves 

To each other 

To our loved ones

One thing for sure,

I have much, MUCH to learn.

Go, Go

and learn young one.

Learn

Ponder

drum rolls please

This has been too long.

Maybe I'll start doing this back

Reading through old posts, makes me feel like

Dang

I miss this.

If HE wills

Bismillah

of moon and stars

you know when you think you've had it worse
and  you just look around,

REALLY look..

and you start to be thankful, even for a bit
slowly
and you feel like everyone deserves it
surely





i kinda miss this
definitely.

Cheers

she's been thinking for a while
and she felt that she wasn't being herself
and it was getting worse

or is it just her?

one way or the other, she needed to move.
   move on, and carry forward

and the one thing that would always, be on her mind.

What would you do if you weren't afraid ?

Happy New Year.

dreading it.

why ?  

     she thought

because she wasn't prepared

because she thinks there's so much to do yet time's moving fast

because she was afraid

and let herself be consumed by it.

well, no more. she thought

What would you do if you weren't afraid ?

It's only a change of date, wouldn't mean nothing if there's nothing you put into it.

Happy New Year

May we become better from before and keep progressing.

if He wills.

garu kepala

Bismillah

Dua rakan bergelak tawa, keriangan
Si anak menurut kata ibunya, penuh taat
Yang tersayang bermanja-manjaan dengan pelengkapnya
Gerombolan muka besi lalu

Hidup . Manusia . Pemerhati .

Kadang melonjak rasa ingin bertemunya
Lebih-lebih lagi tatkala melihat dia oh sungguh gembira
Kadang menebal rasa hadir tak dijemput
Terkenangkan si dia
Malah ,
Kadang menghimpit rasa gelap pekat malam
  persis tiada makna dan erti , pada sesiapa
Kadang bergelora cemburu memerhatikan
  yang lain bermesra bergembira
  walhal diri tidak disedari, dihargai

Sekadar bermonolog dalam hati
Cukupkah ? Sudah cukupkah ?

Sekadar bermain kata dengan sendiri
Bermadah pujangga tanpa ditemani
Sekadar ingin memuaskan nafsu insani

Benar , sudah cukupkah ?

Cukupkah sekadar memerhati tanpa memberi reaksi
Sekadar memprotes tanpa sebarang eksperimentasi
Sekadar berkata tanpa sebarang pengalaman , usaha sendiri
Sekadar mengharap tanpa ada tindakan yang disusuli
Benar ,
   sudah cukupkah ?

For each one are successive [angels] before and behind him who protect him by the decree of Allah . Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves. And when Allah intends for a people ill, there is no repelling it. And there is not for them besides Him any patron. (13 : 11) 

 Liberate yourself first ,
    before liberating others


may peace be upon you

vanilla , popcorn

Bismillah

semerbak. bau vanila tumpah merebak ke seluruh ruang.
kaki cepat diatur menurun tangga melihat insiden yang sedang panas ini
*telan air lioqq
tersergam indah nan purnama. comel. mulus.
dan sedap di rongga juga
*uwishh

just finished baking some 'cream puffs' which at first thought looked quite simple. but boy was i wrongg hoho. there's more than meets the eye you know. ;)
Thankfully, eventhough it was a 50-50, a few things popped out, learnt a few things and all is good. and im still breathing alhamdulillah
so just thought of sharing a few views learnt the hard way that i picked up along the way.
:)

Lessons in Baking :

1. Patience is a virtue. If you just wait, just a little bit longer, it could have made all the difference.
Rise; or not to rise. Golden brown, or just yellowish. A simple matter of wait or not to.
*and also being alert at ALL times

2. Guidelines or instructions, are there for a reason. They're made by experts and people with more experience for goodness sake (a lot more than you definitely -.-). Want to be creative? Daring? Artistic?
Be my guest. But one must learn to walk before they could run *doublegulpp o.o

3. Do not panic and keep your cool. If you just keep fidgeting and twitching and sweating all so much, surellyyy it would contribute some good now huhh? *shrieking in anxiety

it's actually a very good advice. and it works.

4. MOM knows best.
Tak perlu nak bajet rasa independent sangatla kann walhal baru tengah bertatih-tatih merangkak tengok dunia sikit duk nganga.
On the other hand, keep your feet at the ground, and your heart close to home. Family always come first, one way or the other. <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">
5. It's not the end of the world. A cake toasted big deall. Some custard turnt out flaky OMG.
There will always be a next time *if HE wills*. so learn from mistakes, and keep looking ahead. positive we shall stay. Chin up, shoulders out B)

Till another cupcake, or cake, or anything same-ish

*******
and oh yeah, watched an amazaiyn movie. "PAY IT FORWARD"
lovely message, and beautiful how with an idea, and a little bit of action, it could actually do some good.
what's even more endearing is the kid had such immense faith in the good of people, no matter how bad, messed up or screwed they might seem to be. he helped a drug addict, alcoholic, a people living in the street.
and it was all just by doing small deeds. by actually caring, and lending a hand when no one else seems to care.

"I guess it's hard for people who are so used to things the way they are - even if they're bad - to change. 'Cause they kind of give up. And when they do, everybody kind of loses. "

 and without realizing it, he's changing himself too. becoming braver and more confident.
amazing

making me to keep in mind to keep on being positive and always seize opportunity, for change, and for the better.
to a brand new year, and a revamped me
insyaAllah

Till then, may peace be upon you

little things

Bismillah

1.
Datang dengan semangat dan azam yang baru
Ingin menggapai mimpi di kalbu
Segala rintangan yang dilalu
Terasa kecil dibanding impian terbuku
Terus mengharung dengan senyum seribu


2.
Langkah tetap diterus jua
Meski dirasa makin bertambah diduga
Satu demi satu ujian menimpa, menguji jiwa
Impian masih teguh terpacak di dada
 namun diri ini masih manusia


3.
Kelabu
Mimpi terasa seakan memang , mimpi
Jauh, sukar digapai, hanya sekadar mimpi
Yang entah bila entah boleh dikecapi
Yang difikir hanya sekadar permainan fantasi dan emosi

Kuning pun datang menjelma
Menyinar terang dan ceria
Memutihkan yang asalnya kelabu
Mutasi di depan mata berlaku
Melihatnya dirasakan tidak mustahil, untuk aku
 untuk menggapai yang selama ini diidam kalbu
Dengan azam dan usaha yang jitu
Tiada yang mustahil dengan pertolonganMu

insyaAllah

************************************************************

who would have thought one day could be entirely different from the day before? or the day after?
or even, who knows of what is going to happen right after this?
*me, and no-need-to-be-asked-questions. :3
But then again, there's no such thing as a stupid question, is there? It all depends on us back, whether we deem it important, or the other way around. or even something else entirely different.

Counting, is a thing for the preliminary kids to learn
1 , 2, 3, and the list goes on. (usually they stop till 10 or 20 for kindergarteners, heheh). People grow up, and  it has become so, easy *snaps fingers*. Why, we don't even need to think of what comes next after 465,897. It just comes naturally, almost like a reflex action. Immediate. Precise. *like a boss*
And we use it till this very day, in mathematics, buying groceries, paying prepaids, broadband, etc etc.
And has since become useful in our daily lives

----------Flashback in kindergarten---------

counting with fingers showing four, up a finger one by one. 
 "one, two, three, seven.."
teacher just looked at smiled patiently, correcting again and again till counted correctly. never rage blurted out from her. only patience, lovingness, and care emitted from her.
one fine day,
 "one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten" and looked up to teacher
smile with proud
beamed triumphantly

---------------------------------------------------


And all of us has gain benefit, greatly.
Yet we seldom appreciate what comes easy to us. What was once so hard to do, finally gained, arms flung triumphantly in success. Then, as time pass by, we forgot of all the effort we had to put in order to have what we have now. Hey, we're human kan?

Dude, not. an excuse.

People say that the past is a great teacher. It teaches you a lot, from your mistakes, your experiences, anything that you can learn from it. Sometimes we get it right away, bullseye. Sometimes we don't see it straight from the start. Have to go a little bit further, just a little bit more, before seeing the connection of it all.

And the future is just as important. Looking ahead. But still having a firm stand on the now. Planning, and doing all in a fair share of amount. At the same time, not losing grip of your origins, your beliefs.

surely it wouldn't be easy. just as how counting wasn't. but if we took the time, to appreciate, to remember, to keep track of ourselves. little by little, small steps taken, one by one. we'll get used to it.
it'll be okay.
because in the end, the important thing is that, we TRY, and TRY, and TRY.
*and pray to HIM without exception*

Counting, is a thing for the preliminary kids to learn
               and for all to learn of it


may HE ease all.

funny (read: irony)

funny how the littlest thing can tuck our hearts,
     and even the slightest change, was noticeable.

funny how when we start to pay attention to something,
     suddenly we notice its everywhere

funny how everyone thinks they're all alone facing their problems
     and all the others feel the exact same way, without even knowing that others feel the same too

funny that the most heart-plucking things,
      are always repeated by the songs, the movies, the dramas, the blogs and all around us
        plucking our hearts all the more

funny how with just one dream, and sheer determination and effort
      it could all become true right infront of our eyes

funny when we're all enjoying our lives, facebook-ing and tweet-ing away,
      that on the other side of the world, someone our age is actually fighting to stay alive

funny how we're all bombarded by all these information,
      enough for us to actually do something,
         all we did was just post something on our facebook wall, or a tweet

funny how when we want something,
       and we finally achieved it, that's it.
          nothing else, nothing less, nothing more

note-to-self

Bismillah

" Kenapalah dengan anak ko ni? Tak tentu pasal dibuatnya. Apasal dipukul anak aku sampai macam ni sekali hah? Cuba ko tengok muka anak aku ni. Lebam sini, sini, sini. Mata pun tak boleh bukak. Aku taula ko susah sume, tapi jagala sikit anak ko tu. Sekarang siapa nak bertanggungjawab hah? Cuba ko jawab sikit! "

berkata Cik X sambil menunjuk bahagian-bahagian muka anaknya dalam nada kemarahan.

" Ye ye, maafla X. Aku tau anak aku wat silap, kesian anak ko. Tak pasal-pasal mukanya. Nanti saya ajar dia sikit. Maafla ye X, saya janji takkan ulang lagi. " 

Cik YZ berkata, tersipu-sipu malu dengan anaknya.

Diam. Tegang.

"Adik tak wat salah pun!" Y bersuara, memberontak.

Tegang , kian bertambah.

" Eh, menjawab pulak dia. YZ! Ajar sikit anak ko tu! Biadab betul. Huh! " berpaling muka, masam mencuka.

" Maaf X. Maaf "

Adik berpaling ke arah maknya. Bergenang. Masih tersenyum.

Berselindung

***********************************************************************

Darah tersembur. Terpercik. Berselerak.

" Kalo ko berani cakap buruk lagi pasal mak aku, siap ngko! "

Terbatuk kecil.

"Memang padan dengan muka ko. Dahla mak miskin, ayah mati, ko pulak berpenyakit. Tengokla xde orang pun nak kawan dengan ko. Memang padan muka sangat."

Angin menderu.

Terdengar bunyi meraung kesakitan.

***********************************************************************

Manusia tak minta dipernasibkan sedemikian. Tak ada yang mintak dilahirkan miskin. Tak ada yang minta dilahirkan berpenyakit. Tak ada yang minta dilahirkan tanpa ibu, tanpa bapa. Tak ada yang minta dilahirkan hidup susah.

Heck, tak ada orang minta untuk dilahirkan if you think about it.

But things are the way they are, no escaping from that.

And people often judge you for that, not for who you are.

And even though you are affected by it, those around you are also affected, sometimes even more severely than you yourself.

People, that includes everyone, so badly wants to look good in the society's eyes so that they'll be judged fairly (read: good). To be accepted, and better, to be liked by all if possible. No matter what the circumstances might be. No matter what it takes, as long as they look good in front of others.

Even though it means sacrificing their own happiness, their loved ones happiness, their own self-satisfaction, just for what other peoples think. They stop listening to what actually matters, to their inner voice, conscience, and their loved ones' opinions. They stop considering of what's right or wrong, and just think of getting it, by hook or by crook. 

But even the society changes. One moment, they like you this way. Then the other, they like you just like you were before. And because you weren't following your heart, your restlessness increases, little by little, day by day that eventually, it wears you off. big time.

In the end, the important thing is to make our OWN selves happy for who we are. Contempt . 

We should give ourselves a better break.

But all in all, the MOST important is to make ourselves look good in HIS eyes. The Almighty.

And be thankful that we have this realization still in our hearts.

All praise to HIM.

*apologies for the ntahpape-ness

May peace be upon you.

shades, on.

Bismillah

holidays

when you think of one, you see the sun, bright. a perfect day. spending time with family, friends, your loved ones. beautiful, breath-taking sight. doing just everything in a good mood. a happy mood. 

just having a good time with the ones you loved.

just having the greatest time. 

But, nothing is ever as expected.

sometimes, you want just 'the' PERFECT holiday, you put such high standards on it. and after it, you start complaining about stuff, that weren't satisfying to you. 

"why is the tour guide sooo boringg. can't he be more serious? that guys, like, have no sense of humour in hi. urggghhh"

"this food... i miss nasi goreng pattaya, i miss simple old milo ais. why do they have to make everything so dang complicated? it was all a bit spicy, yeah..."

"are they staring at us? OMG. who do they think they are? i'm boosting their economy and this is how they treat us? fine then. fine. we'll see how your economy goes when i don't go here anymore!" *storms off, stomping in anger*

and you start commenting, criticizing on EVERYTHING that you can see even the slightest mistake in it. 

and in the process, you weren't even enjoying your holiday, which was supposed to be a time off, for relaxation, without even you yourself realizing it.

sad, brutal fact.

and when you return back to your routine normal daily life, you didn't even had a rest, a good time, which you so highly anticipated during your holidays. making it all the more restless.

according to Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, there's this idea called "Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence" 

Circle of Concern is where you are concerned about these things, these issues in which you have no power of.

Circle of Influence on the other hand is where you actually have the POWER to influence the things you do.

and so, Covey said that successful people focused their energy MORE in the circle of influence, where they can control, or predict, the outcome of their actions. 

(checkitoutzz)

Sometimes , we tend to put such high standards, such great expectations on things that we have no control of. and we keep fussing about it when it's not according to our taste, or does not suit us.

That we tend to forget that we can actually have a good time. be optimistic. see the positive side on things.

And be thankful, that we are with our loved ones.

*an arrow straight to the heart, ouch

Yeah

Holidays can be what we want them to be.

Even though sometimes the sun isn't shining as brightly and the rain is pouring cats and dogs. 

But the important thing is we are spending time with the most dearest people to us in the world.

and that's all that matters.

just havin' a good time

 *i miss this. it's been so long, my fingers aren't as used dancing as they were before. eheh

 everything takes time, ay?

Tuhan,
hanya pada-Mu ku berserah


i did the best i could, i put my all and best effort
insyaAllah



Tuhan,
hanya pada-Mu ku berserah

may peace be upon you.

:')

ALHAMDULILLAH

ahaks,
a wonder how HE works..

but, more important is our USAHA
insyaAllah...

AJA AJA FIGHTING!!
its not the end yet

prac

heck, where's the spark ?